I wasn’t sure if I remembered my login details or not it has been so long. The thing is, whenever I feel a bit anxious, unsure or the need to work through some type of emotions, I realise that writing is almost always the solution for me.
I used to write in a physical journal. I was angry, embarrassed, sad, scared, lonely and completely confused. Then my mom found that journal years later (perhaps I shouldn’t be reminding you!HA!), and I felt so ashamed: for two reasons. 1) that she had seen the raw anger in me that wasn’t sensored and I felt so vulnerable that anyone had seen it and 2) because I no longer felt even close to those emotions so it was embarrassing for myself to even remember that I had felt that way.
Since then, I tried blogging off and on, as you can see. But what is the motivator? What is the theme of my life? Who am I? As soon as I got busy, too busy to have time to think about my various existential crises, I stopped.
I’m still ‘busy’ in the sense that I don’t have a lot of time to myself, but I do have time to take up that ‘pondering’ mood which means I need my writing outlet back again. Do you want to know what the real trigger was? Jealousy. For some reason I can never escape that beautiful green goddess. She captures me every time. Writing keeps her plunging me into bundle of sadness. It helps me feel accomplished. It helps me feel like I’m at least taking some step towards a ‘goal’ whatever that may be. (Yes, you can ask me, it was about an academic situation)
Originally, I started this blog to talk about travel, adventures, work, my life and to think about the academic world vs the real world. I guess travel and adventures continue…We just got back from an amazing explore of the South Island of New Zealand. And academic stuff? Well, I’m supposedly doing some early childhood education training. Who knows where the real world is…
I’m restarting because of THAT feeling. The need to write. The need to do some deeper thinking and searching (and yes, I totally also did get a big, fat, part time job rejection email recently too). Also, the need to just share with the void…
Be prepared for lots of photos of my little one. I’ve joined the ranks of the moms who stay home, so there will be lots of thoughts on that too.